if you’re a girl and you call everyone “bro” you need to stop because you sound unattractive and stupid
if you’re a person who thinks someone shouldn’t be allowed to use certain words because of their gender you need to stop because you sound unattractive and stupid
June 2013
“
dear samantha
i’m sorry
we have to get a divorce
i know that seems like an odd way to start a love letter but let me explain:
it’s not you
it sure as hell isn’t me
it’s just human beings don’t love as well as insects do
i love you.. far too much to let what we have be ruined by the failings of our species
i saw the way you looked at the waiter last night
i know you would never DO anything, you never do but..
i saw the way you looked at the waiter last night
did you know that when a female fly accepts the pheromones put off by a male fly, it re-writes her brain, destroys the receptors that receive pheromones, sensing the change, the male fly does the same. when two flies love each other they do it so hard, they will never love anything else ever again. if either one of them dies before procreation can happen both sets of genetic code are lost forever. now that… is dedication.
after Elizabeth and i broke up we spent three days dividing everything we had bought together
like if i knew what pots were mine like if i knew which drapes were mine somehow the pain would go away
this is not true
after two praying mantises mate, the nervous system of the male begins to shut down
while he still has control over his motor functions
he flops onto his back, exposing his soft underbelly up to his lover like a gift
she then proceeds to lovingly dice him into tiny cubes
spooning every morsel into her mouth
she wastes nothing
even the exoskeleton goes
she does this so that once their children are born she has something to regurgitate to feed them
now that.. is selflessness
i could never do that for you
so i have a new plan
i’m gonna leave you now
i’m gonna spend the rest of my life committing petty injustices
i hope you do the same
i will jay walk at every opportunity
i will steal things i could easily afford
i will be rude to strangers
i hope you do the same
i hope reincarnation is real
i hope our petty crimes are enough to cause us to be reborn as lesser creatures
i hope we are reborn as flies
so that we can love each other as hard as we were meant to.
”
” —Jared Singer, An Entomologist’s Last Love Letter (via byrdseed)Red lipstick makes me feel like I could cut a man’s heart out with a high heel shoe and fucking eat it.
You either know what I’m talking about or you don’t
does your period ever come late and you start to wonder if you’re pregnant despite the fact the most intimate thing you’ve ever done is shake hands?
DO GIRLS REALLY THINK THIS
yes
yes
yes
Yes
yes
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
i literally never even heard of a thigh gap until i joined this site
i also give no fucks about it. thigh gapless and it’s whateva
“’Slut’ is attacking women for their right to say yes. ‘Friend Zone’ is attacking women for their right to say no.”
—And “bitch” is attacking women for their right to call you out on it (via clarasoswld)
“Airports see more sincere kisses than wedding halls. The walls of hospitals have heard more prayers than the walls of churches.”
—(via 33113)
areasonableamountofkatharines:
On a scale of 1 to the War of the Worlds broadcast how misunderstood is your joke.
a modest proposal
i’m watching Extreme Couponing and i just saw a woman rack up a charge of over $1000 and then her coupon game was so fucking raw by the end of it the store owed her $8. what the fuck
“her coupon game was so fuckin raw” is basically the best string of words ever concocted
- us government: *accidentally likes your pic from 2009*
“The cup is neither half empty nor half full. It is completely full, with fifty percent water and fifty percent air. Drink in the water and breathe in the air.”
—Koichi Mito (via wistfulcoffee)
petition to rename the usa ‘south canada’
what about alaska
are we then normal canada
canada a bit to the left
What about South America? Is that just America? Or South South Canada?
i cried my ass of laughing
WARM CANADA
i caN’T BREATHE OH MY GOD
Not-a-Single-Lady Canada kills me every time!
THERE WAS A SIGNIFICANT NUMBER OF GIFS OF DISNEYLAND’S PETER PAN ON MY DASH
AND OH MY FREAKING GOD
THIS GUY
IS SUCH
AN ADORABLE
SWEETHEART
YOU (WILL) MAKE AN AMAZING FATHER OMG im cry
my mind is telling me no
and my budget
my budget is also telling me no
things girls are made to feel ashamed of-
- having periods
- choosing what they want to wear on their body
- wanting to/not wanting to have sex
- putting boys in the ‘friendzone’
- standing up against misogyny
- ruining a boy’s life by telling the police that he raped her
- i could go on
- abortion
- having hair on their body
- not appreciating catcalls
- not appreciating chivalry
- having control over their own fucking body
“The most important things are the hardest things to say. They are things you get ashamed of, because words make them smaller. When they were in your head they were limitless; but when they come out they seem to be no bigger than normal things. But that’s not all. The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried; they are clues that could guide your enemies to a prize they would love to steal. It’s hard and painful for you to talk about these things … and then people just look at you strangely. They haven’t understood what you’ve said at all, or why you almost cried while you were saying it.”
—Stephen King, The Body (via barbieandken)
- someone: what's your favorite movie
- me: forgets every movie i've ever seen
hay guise
So I’m traveling to Morocco for 6 weeks for an Arabic language immersion program. I fly out Friday and was advised to make a blog to document my travels. If you want to see me actin like a fool all the way in North Africa, then give me a follow:
http://brownsugainmorocco.tumblr.com/
when bugs don’t understand that I could murder them
sometimes my mood is ‘beyonce’
but other times its ‘white person in an infomercial’
Sometimes I think to myself, “do I really want to buy another chocolate bar?”
And then I remember that there is a super volcano under Yellowstone that is 40,000 years overdue and when it erupts it could potentially cover most of north America in ash and create a volcanic winter that kills half the worlds population
And I’m like, fuck yeah I want that chocolate bar
I need a part time job that pays $20,000 per week.
Throw a baby into a tense situation and the tension is relieved. I swear those shits are miracles.
yeah because you THREW A BABY
